Guilt

One of the parts I dislike the most about myself, minus the small chest area, is that I find a way to blame myself for EVERYTHING. Nate and I have a fight? My fault, I shouldn't be so sensitive. A kid (when I was teaching) got a poor score? I should have taught him better. A plane crashed into the pentagon? My fault. I had a dream of that exact event three weeks prior and didn't tell anyone. There is a reason for everything, and most often times I try to put that on myself and carry the world. SOme people might call that self absorbed or selfish, but I'd like to think of it as selfless and humbling :) 

So, Danika gets sick this weekend? What's the first thing I do? You guessed it. I blamed myself :) I took her to the mall too many times and let her play in the filthy play area, I took her to the gym daycare, I left her in the walkers room at church last sunday. She's been in every shopping cart in every store at least twice in the last month as we prepared for her parties. It had to be me!  I did that to her. I know in reality kids get sick, and in a way its good for their little immune systems. But really? I Had no idea how hard it would be to watch my little munchkin be so miserable. As they shoved sixteen sticks or swabs up her nose, in her mouth and ears on Saturday, I cried. I hated it. 

You know what frustrates me the most about being a mom? Everybody's input. Everybody has to put in their two cents and usually its about everything I'm doing wrong. UUUUUUUH! Shut up! Honestly, I don't care what you have to say because she's my daughter, not anyone elses! (except Nate). Shes sick? Everyone tells me what's wrong, what I should or shouldn't do, that I'm doing it wrong, or am exaggerating. Hate that! 

SHe's better now. For the most part. Love that! But we're missing most of our halloween activiities this week until she's 100%. I can't give myself another reason to feel bad if she gets sick again!