Stages

What a great weekend! 

Nate and I rotate family holidays so we can create special memories with both of our families. This year we were on schedule to visit Ari's family for turkey day, but because of dad's work schedule and siblings out of town, we layed low and saved gas money :) It was a bummer - Thanksgiving is one of my favorites - good food, family, no pressure for good gifts - just nice time with family. And lots of CHEESE! But we had fun anyway - Nate and D played and set up the Christmas tree while listening to Christmas carols and I cooked away. I never truly appreciated Thanksgiving dinner until I cooked it myself ... wow - what a lot of work for 5 minutes of chowing! I made a glazed ham for Nate, cranberry apple stuffing, sweet potatoes and apples, green bean casserole, cranberry/goat cheese fake chicken, fruit salad and coconut cream pie. 

Except I forgot to put the pie shell in the oven before I filled it, SO. We had raw pie crust for our pie. Delicious. 

We went for a nice long walk and then Ari prepared her black friday shopping plans :) It was a great day :) 

It made me think about stages. It seems odd to me that in the last ten years I have gone from simply eating mom's delicious meal, to being in college and wondering where/who Thanksgiving would be, to being an adult and participating in the cooking, to being the MOM who makes the meal. It has gone by so fast! I love my new role, but it makes me sad, too. Im old. 

Speaking of stages, Danika Grace is not slowing down either! That girl! Whew. She is literally running all over the house. Apartment. Whatever. It's fun, but exhausting! We chase each other and play hide and seek - in the one year old kinda way. I let her stir my cake batters and sometimes she even gets to lick the spoon. It's fun being a momma and thinking back to those memories with my own mom and grandmamma. 

But as she learns her new "tricks' like smacking me in the face, she's forgetting her old ones - like the "bonk" ... for those who have seen the bonk, it's priceless - such a sweet and adorable - and hysterical - gesture! I miss it :( Her latest - "Uh ooooooooooh!" sounds more like "Uh eeeeeeew!" -- cute, and yet incredibly obnoxious after 23 rounds of "dropping" the sippy cup. 

SHe also is LOVING falling down - she thinks it's hysterical!  I throw her ball at her and it lands in front of her or on her. And she waits 2 seconds. Then falls dramatically backwards and cracks up. HYSTERICAL! I swear, this kid is more entertaining than any tv show or comedian. I laugh o much at her! How can people not love being a momma? These memories are priceless! 

I went shopping Friday :) I found the LAST gps at walmart - 60 bucks! AND - two presents for Nate (he reads so I can't share til Christmas) - a feather comforter with two king sized pillows - a family Christmas present and a small one for a friend of ours - ugh- this sucks! Everyone reads so I cant' share my treasures! DRRRRRR! But the best part was seeing my good friend and college roomie, Erika - she met me nice and early and we gabbed and had our Pumpkin spice lattes! I miss those days of being single with the girls, sometimes too. 

I'm rambling. I think I'm done for tonight. PIctures coming soon :)

YAYA!

I like a challenge ... Black Friday - bring it! Updates to come soon :) 

So Grateful

Of course, like everyone else in the blogging world, I am reflecting tonight on who and what I am grateful for. The list is long, but I'll keep it to a minimum :) 

I know I rave about Danika and how much I love her and couldn't live without her ... but without HIM I wouldn't have HER. I am so thankful for that sweet husband of mine, that Nato. We have had a VERY long road with TONS of ups and downs (it seems like the ups are finally outnumbering the downs) ... but he's my best friend and love of my life. We met two years ago Dec 2 and had no idea the journey that lay before us. He is such a gift that I am so blessed to have :) 

And of course that Danika girl. WHat a sweetie pie - her little smile just lights up my world. Every day brings a new adventure and new reason to laugh. She has turned my world upside down since the moment we found out we were expecting her - she has made me want to be a better person and has brought Nate and I closer together. 

My parents :) OOOOH they irritate me sometimes! But man what an example they have led. I just recently found myself in Select Comfort for the 15th time asking the same question to another salesman that I had asked 3 others just to compare answers and realized that, um wow - somewhere along the way that dad guy had an impact! YIKES! He drives me nuts with the way he shops and yet here I am, doing the same thing. My parents ... and grandparents ... such wonderful, patient, hardworking, honest people - it's no wonder I turned out so great! I'm so lucky and grateful to have had such wonderful examples to learn from and who's influence will trickle down through me to Danika. 

My siblings - tori, jj and brady man. THey irritate me, too :) But in a good way - because they care and want what's best. When we were younger we fought. A lot. but we also had many a great lizard chases and tree climbing adventures - and shared chicken kabobs at the Chicken shak in Japan. I wouldn't trade 'em for anything. In college they taught me how to drink, how to stop drinking so much and how to pretend like I wasn't drunk :) Now we enjoy a glass of wine together occasionally and chat over the newest adventures in our own personal lives as though we have been great friends this whole time. 

My dog. He puts up with me, despite my anger rages (not at him. sometimes at him) and lets my baby girl throw herself all over him without a single flinch. He always greets me with a wagging tail and lots and lots of love. Especially when I am sad or lonely.

Honestly. People say things like this but I truly mean it (not saying they dont). I am so thankful for this beautiful country and the people who serve and lead it. I watched my dad hop on a train out of town many a time when I was younger - and now watch many a friend leave their wives and children behind. I cannot imagine how much that would just tear me to pieces every single time. But yet, here I am - going to my church, speaking my mind and living a life free of oppression and hatred - because of the sacrifice of so many. 

Kids. I'm thankful for all kids. because they remind us to smile. Even that obnoxious boogar whose running around walmart on thanksgiving eve - the utter joy in his face over his mother buying a cherry pie - the small things in life are important, too. 

I'm grateful for the life I lead. I'm grateful my parents taught me how to choose a good man - who will teach my daughter to choose a good man. I'm thankful I have one - that supports my decisions and works selflessly so that I can be home to watch Danika take her first steps and blow her first kiss. I'm grateful for the many friends I have that remind me to breathe and enjoy the now. I'm so thankful I have people acting as silent guardian angels- watching my back, or for stumbling blocks I might trip over because I'm too busy watching my daughter (again). I'm grateful that my parents taught me how to be independent, and the importance of a good education. I'm grateful for the sheer beauty found in a Colorado sunset. 

I'm not sure that I could continue to write and list all the things I'm thankful for. Because there are not the words. I am blessed. Despite the hardships I encounter, it could be so much worse. Happy Thanksgiving!

Perfect

I had SUCH a great day! I have to share :) 

SO ... to begin with that dear husband of mine *left* for work, only to return 20 minutes later with a zebra mocha (starbucks) for me! What a way to start the day. I kinda planted the idea in his head, but it was his idea to actually do it! 

AND THEN! I went to an interview at a health club in Boulder. And I was hired. Before I left the building. And I get to work part time. And I get to bring Danika with me. WHAT?! HOLLER! The perfect scenario.

Why am I working might you ask? I love doulaing ... but until I build a better support system around myself for Danika's childcare, I need to back off. So I'm going to take only 1 client a month. BUT while I work part time and doula occasionally ... both my momma and I are going to work on teaching Signing Smart sign language classes! 

ANywho, back to my great day. So, I get back home from my interview to my apartment to find my brother waiting for me to take him to the airport ... and in his hand? A Pumpkin Spice latte! LOVE THAT! TWO coffees! 

I get home, Danika is ASLEEP! AND she stays asleep for a total of 3.5 hours! NICE! Except I'm too wired from having two coffees that I can't nap :( SO what do I do? Hang out with my computer of course! ANd what do I find? Nate has found the perfect home for us to move into and we get ot see it TOMORROW! And then ? I check my email and have TWO doula clients lined up (in one day!) AND another doula asking me to mentor her! I'm excited. 

It was like 70 degrees, too. WEll maybe 55, but it was still warm. So I got to take my mandog for a walk and pushed D on the swings (her FAVORITE!). What a perfect day. Perfect. I should have bought a lottery ticket. 

Danika's Latest and Greatest

I share with many friends and family members how shocked I am at the change in her in the last month. Some great news talents have surfaced. So have some no so greats. ugh. 

My girl :) SHe has THE sweetest smile in the entire world. One that melts your heart and makes you forget about the latest smack in the face she just shared with you. Yes, folks, we have a hitter. That little hand HURTS man! And boy does she gear up for it too. She raises it up high, waits for me to say "no" then BAM, right into the face. And then she laughs. Really?  WHo taught her that? 

She does say several words now! I have a little jabberbox! The discernable ones include "HI!" (many times in a row), Dog, "Doggeeeeeee!", pretty, this, that, mama, dada, tree. ANd there's more that she's said once or twice but never again (cat, hot, for example). And she signs! She signs more, please (sometimes) light, milk, fan, and probably one or two more that I haven't picked up on yet. She understands my signs of stop, dance, music, and in/out. So fun! 

THis girl LOVES music! She hears a song, even if just a commercial, stops what shes doing and sways and bounces back and forth, all the while humming along or singing "doo doo dooooo!" 

She gives hugs and kisses which are by far my very favorite things in the entire world. THere is nothing like your baby girl walking towards you, grinning the whole time, then throwing herself on you with a big hug, arms around your neck and an open mouth on your cheek. SO SWEET!  IT makes me cry sometimes :) 

Did you say walking, Ari? Why yes I did! ANd it's real this time, not just one or two steps. This girl is on it! She is all over the place and into everything! SHe hasn't perfected it yet, and when she has figured out she's doing it for show, she'll cheat and fall down half way and crawl the rest but when she has the chance to walk she does! Some mommy friends recently commented that I've lost a few pounds. I'd say, um yes, that is quite possible as I am now running after  my little munchkin and her conquest of the dog. 

There's so much more this little girl is doing! I'll post pictures later. But for now I suppose I ought to go take away that plastic bag :) 

Entitled

I'm not quite sure what exactly my generation is called ... I call it Generation Entitled. And I would give anything for that to change. I am so tired of encountering people around my age and younger who have this sense of entitlement, as though there is a Gingersnap Pickeschnickle, Entitled. 

My most current frustrations include the following ...

 people who get are entering the highway and give you nasty looks when you don't yield to THEM. What? Basic Driver's Ed. 

Nate's example: He makes a phone call to offer someone a job- they respond by asking him to call back later, as they are trying on clothes at walmart at the moment. 

People who hurry up to get to the door before you (when you are pushing a stroller) and then let the door close in your face (or on your child's feet).

At Wal Mart ... people who just walk right into the middle of the aisle without looking for oncoming "traffic". And then they glare at you as if YOU were supposed to stop for their heiness. 

And the simple fact that there is seriously not an ounce left of customer service. Anywhere. Except Nordstroms where I cannot afford to shop. 

When I began my first waitressing job, as much as I despise Red RObin, we were opening the restaurant and  had some SERIOUS training. The one rule of thumb? The CUSTOMER is always right. And when you and the customer are walking towards each other ... get out of the way and let them through! I am so annoyed that it is the norm now to be pushed out of the way (esssentially) by a store employee whose in a hurry to go on lunch. Really? How incredibly rude. 

I went to visit my sister who lives on a military base in Cheyenne, WY. Let me tell you, I never in my life thought I'd be in a hurry to get back there. Until I was reminded of what military life is about. People who respect others, ESPECIALLY women and children ... even though it's kinda the rule...what a nice rule to have. And men who DON'T cuss in front of kids? AMAZING. 

People who says "yes please" and "thank you" and step aside to let the elderly through. And even more incredible - even the kids on the base know what flag ettiquette is. My first year of teaching I was absolutely shocked and appalled as the national anthem was sung at an assembly and not a single student stood. THAT is despicable. 

I once heard a quote, which I will never know the truth of for myself ... "it is hard to be soldier. It is even harder to love a soldier." I would never want to be in my sister's shoes ... watching her husband leave for Afghanistan, packing their belongings up every few years to head somewhere based on someone else's decision. But it sure would be nice to live in that community. Plus the food is cheap :) So maybe one day, if Nate agrees ... maybe I can teach for DOD schools and we can live at least CLOSE to such a world of respect and love of country. 

SO ... aparently I had some ranting on my mind ... not sure I stayed on track ... but that's what happens I suppose. 

Technology

I once hated it. I cursed at computers (still do), yelled at cell phones dropping calls (still do) and have practically thrown the tv across the room. 

People say that technology kills relationships. It does. If not used correctly (um, can we say World of Warcraft ... ?) But ya know ... as always, I have my piece to say about this ... 

Without my beautiful Macbook, I would be so lost. It takes me seconds to look up whether Danika is supposed to have that bump where she got a shot. Or how long that cough should last. Or what the dosage for baby tylenol is for a 3 month old. I get to read about my bff from high school (hi Kira!) and her BEAUTIFUL baby boys and what a great mom she is now. I do a quick check on facebook (um...several times a ... hour) and see a picture of my college buddy (Hi Sarah!) sportin' a cute maternity top and showing off her cute belly! If I need a quick pick me up (hi mom!) I can *whooosh* open up ichat and have a cup of morning joe with my own momma and let her give me a talking to and pep talk. I get morning updates on my crafting blogs which give me tons of free patterns to sew for Danika- saving me HUNDREDS of dollars (kinda) ...

Do I go overboard on facebook? SURE I DO! It's fun and I get to know my friends just a little better and hear about their day and get advice from other mommies. I feel MORE connected to people than I did several years ago. I found my CBC girls and get to watch them grow in their different stages of life! I get to see wedding pictures from people who are hundreds of miles away that I would NEVER get to see in reality. And most importantly, I get that little beep on my cell phone and see a quick email from Nato letting me know he thinks I'm beautiful. Now who can say THAT is bad? 

It can be. Technology is one of those things ... too much of a good thing can be deadly. So get off your computer and kiss your hubby! (or your dog if his name is Jack, Peanut, Fletch, Banjo or any other)

Added years

I sit here eating my very fall-esque lunch (at 230) of butternut squash soup and a honey crisp apple (and an oreo...shhhh) and I am pondering. Because my daughter now takes a 3 hour afternoon nap. ANd I love it. Is that bad? I feel guilty. Again :) It's the 3 hours during the day my little apartment appears to be clean. 

I took Danika on a bike ride today (her very first) and she LOVED it. She was practically screaming "WHEEE!" the whole time. SO cute. We wound up at a huge park and being that it's somewhere around 80 degrees in November, we took advantage of it. I pushed her on the swing for awhile (her favorite) and then let her climb up the slide. I swear to you, she must have climbed up it 85 times. And then slid down on her tummy. And every time, without a moment of hesitation, up she went again. She was so determined to get to the top time after time after time. 

These little people! There are so many articles that debate whether people with children live longer or happier. The last one I read was on the "yes" side of that debate with the simple explanation that children simply make you want to be a better person. SO true! 

This little girl reminds me daily to find joy in the smallest places ... for her, a delicious crumb found on the carpet ... for me, simply savoring a scrumptious cup of chai in the morning and reveling in the fact that I get to watch my daughter grow up every single day. When I'm tempted to yell at that idiot who doesn't know how to put his foot on the gas pedal, a single glance in my rearview mirror reminds why I shouldn't. When Nate and I get "into it" and want to let each other have it, her simple presence reminds us to speak in a reasonable tone and to pick our battles. 

Shoot. If you had seen my living space three years ago as compared to now. That little girl saved me from my own mess! I was too busy 3 years ago to care ... now? the living room is vacuumed daily and it KILLS me to see my kitchen dirty. Who IS this person I've become? Three years ago I would have eaten oreos *wink* and orange juice for lunch ... today? Organic Butternut squash soup and apple slices? Okay, so occasionally I slip with the oreos, but at least they are no longer my main meal. 

I guess the point is, these little babies. They may or may not add years to your life, but if you make an effort to be a good mom, they sure make the years you do have more worthwhile and full of love and happiness. Occasionally (like every, um, day) they may stress you out and it feels like they're taking years away...but look at this! I originally intended to post about how stupid drivers have become. Huh! 

Amazing

Ya know. I'm not pregnant, and who knows when we will be again. BUT we got some bad news last week that's still bothering me. When we found out we were pregnant with Danika, I had Kaizer Permanente for my insurance and it SUCKED. It was so awful. Even the midwives. I was accused several times of being more concerned about my weight than with my baby because I was so sick. Excuse me? Like I WANTED to throw up sixteen times a day? Whatever. 

Luckily, I got my insurance changed and we were referred to an AMAZING family doctor. I had NO idea how lucky we were until I started work as a doula. Our doctor was very hands on and VERY supportive of everything we wanted for our labor and delivery of Danika. We delivered her in an awesome hospital, with wonderful nurses and a doctor who was there with us every step of the way. 

We had Danika's 1 year appt on Tuesday with her - as she is Danika's doctor now, too. SHe told us the news that she and her partner (equally as awesome) were no longer going to be practicing prenatal care. At first I shrugged it off, but it still bugs me. I completely understand her reasoning, but it's amazing how much trust I have placed in this woman and how sad this news has become to me. 

It has opened more doors for our next child - I'd LOVE to have  a water birth at Mountain Midwifery, but would be more comfortable having our doctor available to us, too. It feels like my safety net has been removed and I'm wandering aimlessly hoping to find an OB doctor or midwife who we trust even a smidgen as much as we do with our previous doctor. 

What makes it worse for ME is that I have SEEN the other side in my work as a doula. I've SEEN the doctors who scare their patients into doing unnecessary crap and leave patients feeling emotionally raped of the birth experience they want. I feel for the list of doctors and midwives who have to go through MY Interview! When the time comes that is. 

We, of course, still love and adore our doctor and will continue to see her and bring Danika and future chillin's to her as well. I would write more but ... Grey's Anatomy calls. 

A Peeve

I often comment on how irritated I get that other people have this NEED to comment on my parenting. Well, it's my turn now. Get ready.

I have to write this down, share it and let it go because it makes my blood pressure go up. Ask Nate what happens as a result :) 

I am by far not a perfect parent, but I sure as hell try my best to do what I can right. I get so angry at how flippant and careless people are. It disgusts me! As I drive down the street and see three kids crammed next to their father in a single cab truck .... REALLY? Or a white car whiz by me with a child NO MORE than 18 months old STANDING in the front seat - no carseat or seat belt in sight- her head hanging out the window - YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. I get pissed. And I mean PISSED. ( I hate that word - ask Nate - so that tells you how angry I get)

Don't people KNOW how priceless their children are? How can people NOT read about things that will help their children or their family? Its their CHILD! My latest vent is of course about the H1N1 vaccine ... as well as others :) I am absolutely an advocate for vaccinating - Danika is absolutely getting vaccinated though it may not be your standard schedule. EEEEEERRRRRR! People need to research this crap before subjecting their kid to it! 

Can you tell I'm irritated? Its alright. My next post will be something about MY latest screwup. 

She Walks!

Over the past few weeks Danika has taken several steps ... one here, four there, 2 WAY over yonder ... but tonight ... tonight made every muscle, bone, organ, ligament and fiber in my body smile. Several times she has had this look in her eyes as she stands there, staring at something she REALLY wants, but there is this doubt that you can see penetrate her courage. 

Not tonight, though! I set her down on her feet and she leaned against the couch. I sat in front of her on my knees and coaxed her (how easily these kids turn us into idiots) ... and she came ... EIGHT steps! THen when I got the video camera ... she quit :) Until I moved across the room on the couch and replayed an old video. THAT got her attention! She came walking ACROSS the room just as fast as her little legs could move. AND I got it on video! A couple times she hears me cheering, she stops, claps her hands for a few seconds, then continues on. SOOOOOO CUTE!!!! She laughed the whole time as if to say "SEE! I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT!" Then she collapsed on her knees and scurried the rest of the way over and practically jumped into my arms. My girl :) 

It's amazing how, as a parent, you spend your day teaching them right from wrong (No HITTING! for the six zillionth time!) and daydream about what you might say when their heart gets broken or they have their first kiss. But sometimes, when you watch those little ones, it's very humbling to realize that there are times when you as a parent can learn more than you can teach. I learned tonight. Well, I remembered. I remembered that it's okay to be afraid sometimes, you JUST have to believe in yourself and the person waiting to catch you when you fall. If you've never done something you want to do, go ahead and try! What's the worse that can happen? You'll tumble over a big green monster.  And sometimes, when you succeed (or fail!) you just might get a cookie in the end. Or at least a big hug from momma. 

These little people. They can bring you to tears in seconds.