Bummer!

Hey friends and family ...

As you all know, I have not updated my blog in several weeks (months?)... so sorry! Things have been a little crazy around here ... but the truth of the matter is that there have been some issues regarding this blog, so I am going to establish a new blog ... this one WILL be private and WILL only be available who request permission to view it. 

I absolutely love to share stories from my life, and I have always been and will always be a writer .... I love to document my feelings and emotions through written word (good or bad) and don't feel as though my feelings need to be critiqued by others as I am writing this for me, and my babies, and no one else. If you don't like what I have to say, well, my friends, ignore it. 

My email is arianabanks@hotmail.com ... if you would like to be invited to share in my new blogging world, please send me an email and I'd be happy to send that your way! 

ABC Academy!

So folks... we're halfway there ... I have completed the final steps to be a licensed home daycare and am just waiting for the licensing agent to do our home walkthrough. We have a few home improvement projects to complete in the backyard and basement but otherwise we're looking good! 

Here's a link to my temporary website until my fabulous sister has my permanent site (which is UBER CUTE) up and running!

http://www.abcacademycolorado.wordpress.com 

I want to go outside!

Danika is your typical woman :) She is talking in these string of words that are only decipherable to her. At certain times, she repeats those strings of words over and over. TODAY! TOday I figured one of them out! She was standing at the backdoor pointing and getting excited. I can't even pretend to document what her sounds might look like in writing ... but after about 4 or 10 times of repeating it, I figured it out! She was saying " I want to go outside!" HA! She's a genius. And when I responded with "Oh! You want to go outside? I'm sorry baby not right now, it's dinner time", she kinda sighed, smiled and walked over to her high chair. Because she is that smart. And I am too! 

We had a rough, rough day. We were taking care of a couple of kids, and it was snowing and all around a crapper. I was chasing her down the hall for the millionth time and took my attention off her for 2 seconds to see why the other baby was crying. I hear this ear piercing slow, drawn out shriek, and look down to see Danika's finger wedged into the door hinges I was closing. OMG! I am the worst mommy ever! Oh how my heart broke into a million pieces. It was the worst feeling ever knowing I had hurt her : ( We cried together for a LONG time - in fact, by the time we had stopped, her finger was so red and swollen I swore I had broken it. I think there may just be a blood blister there in the end, but it was awful. The worst moment ever. It made it a LEETLE better when we shared some butterscotch chips ;) 

This little girl makes me cry in the best ways possible. Nate handed her to me to say goodnight. She curled up on my lap and snuggled her head into my shoulder (best ever). I loved on her and kissed her and apologized (AGAIN) for her finger. And ya know what she did? She pulled away, looked up and pursed her lips for a kiss, as if saying "It's okay momma, I love you anyway!" Ahhhhhh ... how I melted into a pile of mush. She has the best timing! It was THE perfect goodnight. Then of course she wrapped herself around me and snuggled in for a hug. It was one of my very favorite moments, ever. 

This mommy thing. Hardest and most wonderful position in the world. 

Forgotten

Do you have those moments when you feel invisible? Like the time when someone pulls right out in front of you and goes 1/2 of the speed limit? Or the times when you sit at a restaurant table waiting 10 minutes or more for a server to approach you? Lately I feel invisible. 

Or maybe it's more like forgotten. I feel like I try SO hard NOT to be the person that always gets taken advantage of, that somehow I've completely missed the boat and am the epitomy of that person. I guess maybe it's loneliness ... that I really want to be everyone's friend, and be recognized as the person who will do anything for them (because I will) ... that I get overlooked all the time. Maybe it's because people think I just don't care? Or maybe they're too busy running over me to notice that I DO, in fact, care. 

I don't blame people - just myself. I blame myself for not speaking up loud enough or enough times when something is important. I blame myself for bending over backwards for people who I know wont do the same for me. I blame myself for not seeking out the right type of people. I really don't think people intend to treat me the way they do - some, maybe - but most, nah. 

Lately I feel like the invisible work horse. I feel like I'm constantly going. Going going going going. And rarely is it ever for my benefit. Mostly for Nate, Danika (mostly Danika), family, friends ... occasionally it's because I REALLY want to do something despite knowing my limitations. But all that I do is unrecognized and unappreciated by many. I dont expect a thank you or a present or any form of recognition ... but it sure would be nice to know that my feelings matter to those people that I work so hard for and that I'm recognized as person. 

I LOVE my crockpot!

We received many wedding gifts that we are just so grateful for, even two years later! My very, very favorite, though? My crockpot ;) That thing is SO useful and creates meals that last FOREVER! 

Tonights creation was Mediterranean Stuffed Peppers ... WOW! SOunds complicated, right? I thought so. Except they so weren't. The only "complicate" was deciding whether to make the couscous BEFORE putting it in the peppers prior to cooking, or to leave it as a dry mix before adding. I left it dry because it was easier ... what the heck? I have leftover ziti if it gets screwed up! 

I discovered earlier today that my sister and momma were stopping by for dinner on the way to their hotel ... I had only planned for peppers, no side dishes because Nate had his men's bible study tonight. So I made the peppers, left 'em in the crockpot (which happens to cook twice as fast as every recipe calls for) ... and ran out for the extras! 

We (danika helped ALOT) made a nice green salad and a pot of sauteed sweet potatoes and apples with brown sugar and chai mix ... delicious! And for dessert??

Jaime found a delicious "top secret recipe" for Starbucks peppermint brownies. OMG! Even I will not be able to go through these in less than  a week ... so rich and scrumptious.

************************************************************************************

Danika has more words to add to the list ... Help! No thank you! Elmo! Book!  Up! Down! 

This kid just amazes me every day. She has such a sweet heart, so enthusiastic about trying EVERYTHING ... so courageous and social ... it's such a gift to watch her learn and grow everyday ... it's as if everyday there is a brand new Danika in front of me ... every morning I wake up wondering what she will learn or do today! I love it. My life is happy. 

Baked Ziti!

I am REALLY getting into this cooking adventure of mine! Prior to me starting to care for kids we were on a SUPER tight grocery budget, and spreading meals super thin. Now I'm budgeting a bit more so we can upgrade to better ingredients, and adding more organic versus not. Did you see the recent article that a certain pesticide that's used in HUGE amounts in the US can change a frog's sex from male to female? REALLY? And people wonder why there are so many health issues nowadays, yet no one wants to acknowledge that these organic farmers might have something worth looking into. 

So tonight's menu? A baked ziti dish! I'll post the link below because  it was amazing! But, of course, I doubled the cheese mixture because I absolutely am addicted and in love with cheese :) It was so easy and Danika loved helping me dump and mix. We added garlic bread and carrots with ranch dressing. 

http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/baked-ziti-with-crunchy-italian-salad-and-garlic-bread?backto=true&backtourl=/photogallery/meatless-comfort-food#slide_14

D said a new word today! And I have to add "book" to the list from last night. Her new word? YELLOW! Does she know the meaning? Nah, only when I point to something and say "yellow", but it's a step. My girl is a stinking genius. 

New words!

Danika is in that stage where she's a sponge ...  new words are popping up like crazy and we're learning to watch out language a little bit more. Or saying "peanut butter!" afterwards. 

Here's her current list of words, though I know I'm forgetting some. 

Momma, Dadda, Poppy, Oma (MMMMMMma), stinky, thank you, please, baby, dog, spoon, BOO!, bear, hat, all done, hello! (when the phone rings), bye bye, drink, milk, brrrr (cold), NO!, yes, shhhh!, hi!, ball, bubbles, apples, and the list goes on :) 

Thought I'd share! Today at the mall we were playing with another mom/baby friend named Anna, and she totally got it! "Anna". I also believe she copied me when I called her a "noodle" the other day, though it came out as "doodoo". 

She mumbles and strings together words that are formed into sentences, but are still indistinguishable. She knows exactly what she's saying to her baby, dog, etc ... in the meantime it just makes us giggle and shake our heads, wondering just what is going on in that little head of hers. 

A New Direction!

I suppose I might be late in my new year's resolutions. But hey. Whatever! 

March 1 has brought a new lifestyle for me. I hope ;) We'll see if lasts til April 1. Gosh! Where did February go?! 

So, we moved into our new place. And I love it. It's so open and we have a big, big, big backyard! Do you know what that means? I know longer have to scoop poop with a plastic bag on my hand! HA! I totally splurged on an 'essential' item ... the almighty pooper scooper!!! Danika toddles from one end of the house, gleefully, and usually yelling something at the top of her lungs, just to hear her echo ... it's usually DOG! Momma! Dadda! or CHEEEEEESE! Yes. Danika is my daughter. We love cheese. :) 

So what do these new quests consist of? Guess what? I sweep my floors almost daily, or at least regularly! AMAZING! We take our shoes off at the entrance, now ... and we pick up crap off the floor. And we do this so much, it's Danika's new hobby .... she is a devoted adn excited trashlady ... constantly searching the ground for anything she can proudly pick up and bring to the trash can for me. Including her crayons, toys, sippy cups, and the list goes on. Quest one: a constantly clean house. 

Quest two : Menu planning. I did this before, but not very effectively. I blew threw our grocery budget so fast! This weekend I carefully planned out a nightly meal and made a list of ingredients needed, minus fruits/veggies. AND! I stuck to it! AND! I'm excited about cooking. I used about 1/2 of the money I normally spend on my initial grocery run, and have all the essentials - now I just need the veggies to go in which of course is expensive but I still knocked off about half of what I spent last month!  I LOVE THIS! 

And so ... here is to my first night of cooking ... baked potato soup (divine!) and a loaf of homemade beer bread (delish and full of butter!)

And the reason(s) for this crap?

We are going to buy a house. Someday. My goal is in 23 months, at the end of our lease. Whether it be this house or different one. But in order to do that. We need money. SO ... Ariana is expanding her horizons and branching out! Yes, indeed! Kinda. How?

Adventurous Beginnings for Children. ABC Academy. Yes. Something I swore I would never do - a home childcare. But here's the thing - NO BABIES! HA! I love babies. Let me rephrase. I love MY babies and maybe one or two others. But. I was puked on twice on Friday by an 8 month old. And I just really dont want to deal with that again. Ever. And. I was also pooped on by a 2 year old. And so I think once I can be, I will be picky enough to require potty trained kids. Because that was disgusting. Eck. 

I get to teach! I get to plan a weekly theme with a daily schedule. And if a parent or kid ticks me off enough, once I have a replacement, they are gone. because I can! Because I dont have to deal with kids trying to break their hands or taking up 100% of my time, when 4 (28) others need me, too. I'm excited, kinda. After I get through all this licensing crap. 

 We'll see how it goes! How ridiculous am I for doing this 4 months pregnant? Pretty ridiculous. 

Love

I know. I know. I talk about being a mommy and my little girl WAY too much. I'm over it. Are you?

Thursdays are rough days for me, as Nate has his classes on Thursdays which means I'm on my own from start to finish (gives me a new appreciate for my mom and her days as a military mommy). I usually don't look forward to them. 

But then there are days like today. I had a prenatal appointment and left D with her best buddy, Kaizer to play for the morning. I admit, it was a nice break. I got to interact with adults without being asked for "more" (of whatever) or chasing her as she yanks 600 books off a shelf. I BLASTED my music on the drive to and fro. And I sang.. :) It was GREAT! 

But then I arrived back at Kaizer's house and she ran, and I mean RAN to me and wrapped her little arms around my neck and gave me a very sweet "Hi!". Oh how I melted into a pile of goo and wished I had never left. She is such an amazing, incredible little girl. I have no idea how I was chosen to be HER mommy. 

After lunch we went bed shopping for our NEW KING SIZE SLEEP NUMBER BED - well, we already bought it - we needed a bed frame for it - so we went and she walked all around the store and definitely shared her opinion (this? this? this? no mama.yes!ooooooh!) On our way home from the store we stopped by the park. She gave me my daily workout! Yep. Swinging and sliding and running galore. We were all over the place. 

When we got home we had a package waiting from Oma and Poppi ... a kissing elmo, picture (photo) book, fun sunglasses, cookie cutters and toddler markers ... for Valentine's Day - what fun! It was so fun to watch her explore her box and new toys. We hopped in the highchair and colored together ... all over the paper, highchair and her face! 

We shared dinner, interrupted with many giggles, tickles and game of boo ... her laughter is the sweetest sound. We splashed in the bathtub and chased each other up and down the hall, laughing laughing laughing. And then, sadly, bedtime. 

I'm so glad there is not a person in this world who can put this kind of love into words. I'm so glad there's no one who can tell me how many more times my heart will explode with emotions when she wraps her arms around my neck and whispers "hi!" It's a new kind of love, every day ... one that can only be explored and discovered and ingrained in my little heart that continues to grow with every Danika smile. 

I. Am. So. So. Blessed. And cannot even begin to imagine what this love will turn into when Danika's sister or brother arrives. 

Woe is Me.

UGH! I am so sick of this pity party attitude everyone has going on nowadays. Seriously? Or should I say "Seriousry?" Come on! I am oh so guilty of it, too ... but I'm also very aware of when I'm doing it ...

For example ... Obama. I'm so tired of hearing about this "mess" he inherited. Good for that judge who publicly disagreed! It is, in my opinion, out of line to imply judgement on someone (the supreme court) on national television. Good grief. And to continue whining about the Republican party and all that he has inherited? Shut UP! Mr. President ... YOU wanted this position ... YOU know what you were walking into ... now do you damn job. I relate it to teaching. I get a class of 3rd grade students, 90% of which are not on grade level. Do I sit there for a year and whine about how low they are? Not a freaking chance (except to my mom) ... instead I accept I have a challenge and make a plan to beat it. And guess what? Less than 10 percent of my students left my room at below grade level. One year, anyway. 

Want another one? "I'm going to be a single mom" . Yeah? AND? Being a mom is hard regardless of whether you're married or not, or who you're married to. If you didn't want to consider being a single mom as an option, well ... then choose celibacy. Duh. I can say this, because I was in those shoes in 2007 ... and ya know what? I dealt with it, and I found strength in my friends and family. And I made a plan to make it work. In my opinion, YOU created your situation, now create a plan to make the best of it and stop your freaking whining. 

I'm on a chat board. And ya know what I see? Moms whining about how much WIC sucks. Well ... then quit spending your damn paycheck on an internet bill and buy your own food. FOr crying out loud. Nate and I are by no means in a "good" financial situation, but it's better than a lot of people's these days. Did I ever complain about not having what I wanted? Sometimes. but it was more hoping for a day that when we could. And I still do. And ya know what? Every day I contemplate and plan for a way that we can, rather than sitting on a lazy butt and whining. 

I am mooooody. moody moody moody. Maybe I need some of that B6 my mom was telling me about. So I'll stop whining about my moodiness. That is all. 

My Dad

Have you ever had it? Ugh *shudder* ... that feeling when you just know something bad has happened? Or a dream where someone is hurt or dies and you wake up feeling as though it has really happened? I HATE IT! I think i may have some form of mild anxiety issues. I'm not making light I really do ...

It's 12:40 a.m. . I originally 'stayed up' til 830 working on a sewing project. I tried to sleep but couldn't. SO ... I played on my computer for a bit :) I finally went back to bed around 1130. I was nearly asleep, and BAM ... that feeling. In my head was a song playing ... a song I haven't thought about since my wedding day ... the song my papa and I danced to ... Faith Hill's "There You'll Be" ... I'm not sure if thats the real title, but it's what I call it. And I started BAWLING. Yep ... out of nowhere ... 

It's that feeling where you want to call your parents at 1230am just to make sure everything's okay and to say you love them more than they'll ever know. Its the kind of feeling where you get out of your bed at 1230 to blog about how much you love your dad. 

My dad. That guy. He drives me NUTS! I was on the phone with my mom today and she said he was golfing in Montrose in the snow. My reply? Well then he's an idiot. Sometimes I think that, ,but moreover, he's just really, really passionate about whatever he's into at the moment. So much so that he leaves his police car in "drive" when he jumps out to help a woman being hit by her husband. Silly guy. 

He used to embarrass us SO bad. Okay, he still does. Singing "That's Amore!" loud enough for the entire Borders bookstore to hear, oblivious (or not) to the stares while he belts out the lyrics as he listens. Or singing "oom chucka chucka, oom chucka chee, jumping up and down like a big bunny!" as he chicken necks his way through Henry's Farmers Market. 

I cannot tell you the number of times my mother's bright red face was shaking back and forth as she attempted to escape the embarrassment of my father's "walking farts" through walmart. WHO DOES THAT?!! 

My dad. When I got married, my biggest look for was a man who would be a great dad, like mine was and still is. Nate and dad are by no means alike, except for the fact they have their babies as their number one (babies = wife/kids). Except for the occasional round of golf :) 

My favorite memories of dad time include ... taking us to the rolly slide in Japan ... bouncing us on his legs and making up ridiculous "songs" ... "aaaah!" as his hand hits our cheek (in a poking way, not a slap!) ... wiffle softball in the garden in Japan ... watching him type type type late hours in the night when he went back to school ... mom making us watch an evening news show, making us guess "who's hand is that?!" as dad did the weather forecast ... watching him coach brady in little league baseball ... taking us to the airshows and climbing in the display aircrafts ...  watching him get "so handsome" in his dress blues, taking mom to the Marine Corps Ball ... and of course, the nightly observations of him lovingly stirring the sweet tea pitcher ...

more recently ... walking me down the aisle ... (obviously) my dad/daughter dance ... and the very best of all ... watching him hold my baby girl for the first time ... not so delicately, as if he's never held a baby before... with raised and furrowed eyebrows claiming "Yep, she's a pretty one" ... and 8 months later watching him play with her at the park ... 

Those are just a few memories of my dad that will always be treasured ... and many more I'm sure, cuz I know he really is okay. He has to be! That's my dad! It's funny how regardless of how old you get, "thats my dad" always has such special meaning. 

"There You'll Be"

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

[Chorus:]
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

[Repeat chorus]

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

[Chorus:]
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
There you'll be 

sorry

Sorry! The formatting got screwed up ... the top is the "after" the bottom is the "before" :) 

My latest project

 Before 

SO! I have to share ... ever since I started staying home with D, I've had an increased interest in this "domestic" crap that my mom always did. Sewing, baking, crafting, etc. Who has time for that?! ME :) At least today I did. 

We're moving into our new home this weekend and I really just want things to start looking 

GOOD. SO ... I started making a "wish list".

After! 

 I knew that a new kitchen table is unrealistic so I started looking into other options. Right now I have a bar height table that I LOVE. Except for the stained microfiber cushions. So what did I do? Hmmm.  

I spent 2 hours in Joanne's :) I finally spent about 10 bucks on new upholstery fabric, and might I add that it's super sexy! WE borrowed a staple gun from a friend and guess what? It's like a brand new kitchen table. I dont have the 

cushions screwed in yet but I have pictures of the cushions sitting on the chairs in the wrong direction :) 

Next project : upholstering a wood bench/coat rack I bought for a dollar at a yardsale :) 

A big sister

Is what Danika will be! We are expecting our second child on August 28, 2010! We are so super excited about our new little baby joining our family. Its going much faster than it did with Danika - I'm 7 weeks today - still super early but getting closer and closer to the end of the first trimester. 

Most of you know my first pregnancy ended in a very sad miscarriage back in 2007. Originally I wanted to wait until the 2nd trimester to share our news, but we figure - the people we share our news with love our daughter and will love this little baby, too - and will cry with us if something goes wrong, or celebrate when she/he arrives. 

We got to see and hear the little heartbeat on January 5! The ultrasound tech kept referring to it as the flicker - so! We nicknamed the little nudge a little flicker :) 

Once again the morning sickness has loyally appeared ... currently my diet consists of crackers and cheese, and rootbeer floats. Its funny how with my morning sickness with Danika, it was awful and people kept telling me "its worth it!". Yep. I wanted to vomit down their throat. Now, after seeing and feeling the love a mommy feels, it makes the queasiness and vomitting so, so, so worth it - it puts it all in perspective. 

It makes me sad that my time with just me and Danika is coming to an end, but I just know she will be a fabulous sister, kinda like me :)